Mom — Really? Tape? Wrapping paper? Who knew these were such powerful weapons to open up the “dark side” of my soul. Wrapping the gifts for the boys last night was so strange. I haven’t wrapped presents in years. You always did it for us. You enjoyed it! You made such a big deal about doing it in secret. Last night after work I shopped. I anticipated that wrapping gifts would be a trigger for my grief. I was prepared for how I would feel doing your job….wrapping gifts….I was ready. Then I picked up the tape….
Last year you wanted that “special” tape……do you remember?
You really, REALLY wanted the tape that fits around your hand or wrist and dispenses perfectly sized strips for wrapping gifts! We looked all over the place for that tape! Wherever I shopped we looked for that tape dispenser. I remember being in KMart with you, our last Christmas shopping trip, and we looked for that tape. No luck.
Christmas came and went. You continued to fight cancer. In January you started to slowly slip away from us…you spent most of your time in the hospital…..but that’s when I finally found the tape. It was so bittersweet for me. I tried to muster up as much “cheerleader” as possible when I brought the tape to your hospital bed. I gave it to you and told you that you could use it next Christmas.. (hint hint….)
Did you buy it?
Was I convincing?
I knew you would never use that tape……..I’m so very sorry I didn’t find it in time for you to enjoy it. I tried Mom. I really did. Forgive me?
So, last night I wrapped without using your tape. I couldn’t bring myself to get out the bin of paper, bows, tags, and tape. I bought one roll of paper, one package of bows, some tags and got to work. I hope you are proud of me for getting it done….even though I had to do it without you…and I just couldn’t use your tape.
Love you Mom and miss you more than ever.