Hi Mom….Remember how I always made you stand up in church on Veteran’s Day? When we first started going to church together in 2003 I made you stand up when the pastor wanted to honor the veterans. You were so mad at me because I made you stand up. I know how you hated to be the center of attention, but I was so proud of you being unique and brave. You stepped so far out of your boring life on the south side of Chicago by joining the Air Force! Women at that time were NOT joining the Air Force! Women in your family were NOT adventurous! No other women in our church stood up. I was so proud of you.
I am so glad that you warmed up to that recognition eventually. You knew I wouldn’t let you back down. It almost seemed as if you enjoyed this honor last year.
So today, I went to church alone. I knew it was going to be hard without you there. I knew I was going to cry…again…so I let the boys stay home. I don’t hide all my grief from them (what little I have allowed myself til now) but today I wanted to be free to express my feelings without concern for theirs.
Appropriate? I don’t know.
Sunday is usually a very lonely day in general. That’s a subject for another day. Veteran’s Day is special, you were honored today. More than Mother’s Day…this day was yours, Mom. My feeling of missing you is very strong today. I wish I could make you dinner – even though you wouldn’t eat it. I wish I could see you napping in your chair with your hands under your legs and your head drooping onto your chest. I just wish I could talk to you again…